You Can't Change the Past
by SweetTale4u
Summary: Sometimes you have to learn to accept things you cannot change. Smutty Angst. Reviews are always appreciated.


She stood by the window and watched the rain pelt the weather beaten glass. The orange neon sign reflecting faintly on the window reminded those that walked by that there was always room at the inn. She took another long drag from her cigarette and put it out in the partially full ashtray just as someone knocked on the door.

"Come in."

The tall handsome man walked in with a grin from ear to ear. Even in the dimly lit room Hermione could see the perfectly tan skin and pearly white teeth.

"Hello luv, where do you want me?"

"Drink that over there and don't talk." She didn't bother looking at him. He was the same generic bloke they always sent over. This one was a regular. Looking around to make sure there were no mirrors in the room again she began to undress. When she had finished she turned and looked upon the man she desperately needed.

The breath caught in her throat, it never failed, every time it was the same. Her hands trembled as she walked to him, her hand reaching out to caress the smooth row of buttons. She tucked her head in his neck and inhaled the scent of him, the intoxicating aroma of brewing and madness. She ran her nose against his jaw and felt the faint stubble prickle her sensitive skin. She buried her fingers in his hair and reveled in the feeling of having him like this, only for her, even if it wasn't real.

She took her time undressing him. She knelt at his feet and removed the well-worn but polished dragon hide boots whose noise were known to strike fear in many a student. She massaged his beautiful feet, tired she imagined, from countless patrols and years of service. She stood and removed his robes, folding each piece as it came off, knowing he wouldn't have it any other way. She walked around him, her fingers lightly touching his marred skin, the hard expanse of stomach and the broad expanse of his shoulders. He was perfection in her eyes. Her breath trembled as she kissed and caressed ever single scar. She tried to heal each one but it would return her attempts futile and childish. She threw down her wand in frustration. You cannot erase the past; you can just acknowledge it and accept it for what it was.

Her hands found his and she held it, she had often wondered what it would feel like to simply hold his hand. She felt the warmth and strength of it as it squeezed hers lightly. She studied his long elegant fingers. Kissing each one she touched her cheek to his warm palm, feeling the phantom caress he never bestowed. She let her hands roam freely over the hard planes of his body again, his reaction was that of a man and he stood weeping and proud to meet her touch. His dark eyes watched her from behind a curtain of black hair as she knelt again at his altar and offered contrition with her mouth and hands. The taste of him was intoxicating and scent of herbs that filled the air made her ravenous with need. He pulled her to her feet and lifted her up and to the bed.

Her eyes watered as she watched him explore her body, his questing fingers discovering ways to make her call out to him in ecstasy, his mouth feasted on her and she cried tears of happiness as she begged him to fuck her to make her his. He felt so good inside her, his hard cock filling her like no other had or could.

"Oh Severus…please…harder…" He moved deeper and harder, her legs wrapped around him pulled him closer, her nails dug into his back, her heels on his bum. Their movements were frantic and desperate as he pulled her up and stared into her face.

"Look at me."

Her eyes snapped open as the rich sound of his voice tipped her over the edge. She knew in her mind she had imagined it but she didn't care. She needed this, she needed him. This was the only way she knew how to have him. She pulled him closer and moved harder against him, wanting to feel like this forever.

She felt him shuddered as he spilled long and deep inside her. His arms tight around her she felt the steady rise and fall of his chest and the steady beating of his heart. Her hands caressed her face and his mouth peppered her face with kisses trying to kiss away the tears she always shed.

She pressed her forehead to his and pushed the hair away from his face, she needed to see him, to look at him, "I'm so sorry Severus…I'm so sorry I couldn't save you." She held his face and kissed his mouth softly.

"It's okay love," he said.

She cried then even more. Her carefully crafted scene had fallen apart with those three words.

_She would never be his love and she needed to accept that for what it was. _

He held her until the potion wore off then stood to collect the money on the dresser.

"Same time again next month luv?"

She was standing by the window again, a sheet wrapped around her as she smoked her last cigarette. She watched as the tendrils of smoke caressed the rainy window pane.

"Get out."

The sound of the door clicking closed and the rain pelting the window pane was all she needed now, that and the smell of smoke and herbs that still lingered in the air.

_You can't change the past. _


End file.
